Sick and Crazy
by nothingtodo
Summary: Kogure finds a schizophrenic girl at his doorstep one fateful day and takes on the responsibility of caring for her, unaware he was milimetres away from taking on the responsibility of loving her. KogureXOC.
1. first encounter

Heya! Here's another story from lil' old me, this time revolving around Kogure. I received a challenge from Alexia (if I'm not mistaken) about two YEARS ago to write about him. She even gave me a starting storyline, and I must say it was a really fantastic idea! But then I had this other idea of doing it, so I followed my instinct. Gomen. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it anyway! 

            Kiminobu Kogure stared through the glass windows of the moving train he was in, dreamily watching the pouring rain outside. The tiny arrows on his watch struck 7.00 o'clock. His stop was coming up, and he checked to see if he'd left or dropped anything.

            He hadn't.

            His light briefcase was still with him, and so was the packed dinner he'd found time to buy on the way out of his office. Being an accountant of a fast moving and decidedly growing company, there was simply no time for him to even think of cooking. 

            He'd cooked his way through university, and was capable enough in that area. In other words, he could fry an egg without burning the bottom of the pan. Take-out, at that time, was not an option since the study fees demanded each and every yen of his pocket money and earnings. And take-out is still, Kogure winced, not an option now, as he still needed to settle the debts circling his new apartment.

            But tonight he was desperate.

            And he craved food that didn't come from his own kitchen.

            Stepping lightly off the train, he moved quietly through the exit and walked to the nearby row of apartments, shivering in the cold night. The moon was full tonight, but despite its luminous beauty, Kogure was vaguely chilled.

            He'd always been a coward, Kogure admitted with a slight smile. Even in school and college and university, he had been the soft, eager-to-please one. Always hesitant, always doubtful but always there whenever he was needed. He lacked Akagi's strong leadership and his equally strong muscles, but he could hold up his end well enough. He lacked Mitsui's dashing good looks and arrogance, but his looks weren't flawed either. 

            Average, Kogure decided. That would be the right word to describe him.

            Taking the stairs instead of the lift, something the athlete in him insisted on doing, he made his way to the fifth floor. And got the shock of his life at the sight of a droopy old man sitting right on his doorstep.

            Just then, the sky thundered, and the bright flash showed, for a scary instant, the tired, dark eyes of the old man as they stared at him. Kogure paled and if his legs hadn't frozen up, he was sure he would have jumped over the railings without a second thought.

            "H-Hello," he choked out. 

            The old man continued to stare at him. Then he opened his mouth and drawled: "Yer Kogure?"

            Kogure nodded quickly. 

            "Been waitin' for ye.  Ain't got all da time in da world." The man stood up. He was short and barely reached Kogure's chest, but he was still scary. "C'mere, you stupid girl." He gestured roughly with his finger, calling into the darkness.

            Then, slowly, out of the darkness, a small, slender figure emerged, giving Kogure another shock that took ten years off him. Her face was downcast, and very, very pale – almost ghostlike. Her dark hair tumbled over her head and dropped over her shoulders in thick bunches. Her hands were clasped over her stomach, and they were trembling. 

            Kogure wondered what either of those terrifying two had to do with him.

            "We're frum de hospital. Dis girl's been in there fer ten years now. Crazy, more like it." The man grunted. "She's all yers now. Best make sure she behaves."

            Kogure blinked. "What?"

            The man squinted at him. "Well, aren't ye stupid?"

            "What's going on?" Kogure protested, shocked to the core. "I don't even know who she is!"

            "Best not ter ask me!" the man said huffily. "I was suppos'd ter send her here. Just dat. Ye wanna complain, ye go to de big bosses in the hospital. I ain't got nothing ter do with it!" He started to go, leaving Kogure gaping at him.

            "Wait!" Kogure called out, panicked. "What's this all about? I don't understand! Who is she? What's her name? Why was she in the hospital? And why was she sent to me?"

            "I told yer I ain't know nothing!" the man yelled. "Yer address wos given ter me, and I brought her here!" He reached into his pocket and brought out a dirty piece of paper. Taking a pen from his other pocket, he scribbled down some numbers and then shoved them into Kogure's hand. "Here. Ye call 'em and ask all ye want. I'm outta here." And with that he went off, muttering about stupid people and the trouble they kept giving him.

            Kogure stood rooted where he was, staring at the rapidly disappearing guy. For another minute he stayed there, mind whirling. "I – what –"Helplessly, he looked around and then realized the girl was still there. Awkwardly, he tightened his grip on his briefcase. "Um, sorry about that," he apologised, realising how rude the exchange between him and the stubborn old man had been. "I was just shocked –"

            The girl lifted her face up and Kogure's voice simply died away. Her face was paler than it had seemed, but her lips were very pink, and her eyes a startling deep blue, framed with long, black lashes. They stood out of her white face with a stark contrast. Her manner and movements were quiet and at that moment, she seemed just as helpless and vulnerable.

            All the things Kogure had wanted to say about how it was all a big mistake and that he had nothing to do with her died on his lips. One night, he decided. He'd let her stay one night and then the very next morning he was going to send her back to wherever it was that she came from and set things right.

            "Um, come in," He opened the lock with his key and pushed the door open. He switched on the lights and the living room was bathed with yellow light. He didn't have much furniture, only the essentials. There was one sofa, one television, a coffee table and four chairs around it. "Have a seat," he told the girl as she quietly came in after him. "I'll… um, I'll make some coffee."

            He placed his packed dinner on the table, wondered briefly if it would be enough for the two of them before he got out the makings of coffee. As the coffee machine whirled away, he picked up his phone and dialled the number he'd been given.

            "Hello, this is Kanagawa Hospital," came a cheery voice. "How may I help you?"

            "Hello," Kogure began, nervously twisting the cords around his fingers. "I am Kiminobu Kogure. Just a few minutes ago one of your staff dropped off a patient at my apartment, and I want to know if there's a mistake."

            "What is the patient's name, Mr. Kogure?"

            Kogure rubbed his forehead. "Her name? I don't know –"

            "Kara," came a deep, breathy voice. "Kara Ubiki."

            Kogure started, surprised the girl had somehow made his way to the kitchen and overheard. He smiled gratefully at the girl, who only returned his smile with a grave stare. "It's Kara Ubiki," he spoke into the phone.

            "Please wait."

            He heard the clicking of a keyboard keys in the background and waited as the computer processed the data.

            "Ah, yes," came the operator's voice again. "Kara Ubiki has just been released today and returned to a family member."

            "But I'm not a relative." Kogure informed her.

            "Well," came the baffled reply. "I'm sorry, sir, but it states here very clearly that she was to be sent to Mr. Kiminobu Kogure. That's you, is it not?"

            "Yes, that's me, but…" Kogure tapped a hand on the counter of his kitchen. "Can you check who her parents are for me, please?"

            "Certainly." More clicking. "Her father is Mr. Yakara Ubiki and her mother is Mrs. Ruina Ubiki, or her maiden name, Ruina Watari."

            _Watari._ Kogure sighed as memories flashed before him. _Ubiki. Right._ "That explains it," he muttered, mostly to himself. "Ruina Watari is my mother's best friend. I suppose Kara was supposed to be sent to my parents, but since my parents are no longer around, she gave the hospital my address."

            "That would explain it, sir." The operator said soothingly. 

            "Do you happen to know where Mrs. Ruina Ubiki is?"

            "No, sir. We only have your contacts."

            Kogure pressed his lips together to keep the frustrated groan from coming out, aware that Kara was around. "I was told that she has been under your care for ten years. Exactly what is she suffering from?"

            "Yes, she was admitted here when she was thirteen. She's a schizophrenic."

            Kogure's eyes whipped to Kara's and he tensed. "I see. Thank you for your help."

            "We do what we can." And with that the phone clicked and the line went dead.

            Kogure cautiously replaced the phone and straightened himself up. _Schizophrenic?_ He forced a smile on his face and looked at Kara. "So, what about dinner?"

            Her lips trembled open. "You're sending me away." She said.

            "No, no. I was just inquiring –"

            "You're sending me away," she said again, confidently, her eyes wide. 

            "Kara-"

            "YOU'RE SENDING ME AWAY!" With that shrill scream, she rushed back into the living room. Kogure darted after her, shocked. "I HATE YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU! STOP DOING THIS TO ME! STOP! STOP!"

            She was tearing at his cushions and throwing everything within her reach.

            Kogure stood helplessly. "Kara, stop, please, I'm not sending you away –"

            "AAAAAAAAAARGH!!" Kara sank to the floor, clutching her head. "STOP! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

            Impulsively, Kogure stepped forward and reached out for her. "Kara, it's all right. I –"

            "STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY!! I HATE YOU!!"

            He grabbed hold of her before she could jump up again. "Kara, stop it. Listen! Please! You're going to hurt yourself!"

            Kara screamed again, her fists now punching at him. "GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" And then with one last scream, her eyes glazed and then closed. Her voice died away and she slumped against him, exhausted. 

            Kogure held her up and gently nudged her onto the sofa. Then, beat and shocked out of his wits, he dropped himself to the floor and stayed there, shaking his head.  

Schizophrenia is a mentality disorder, where the patients hear this voice at the back of their heads, taunting them and making them do things they otherwise wouldn't. At least, that's what I know. Correct me if I'm wrong!

nothingtodo


	2. a friend in need

Second chapter! Hope you enjoy it. ^_^

Libra_gal: Yeah, when I re-read it, I realised that it wasn't funny! Dunno what made me so serious all of a sudden. -_- It's not really a switch of style or genre – I believe it's more or less the same as other fics I've written. Give it some time! Still, I hope it's good enough and that you're not disappointed! Thanks for reviewing!

Mitsui_jir: Wow, like, I was so, like, blown away with that, like, cool review! Actually, I didn't, like, really understand, cuz, like, well, it was sort of, like, dotted with 'likes', like you know? And you do, like, know that I, like, love you too, right? And what's, like, a sporter? And I've like, updated Poor You Too, so you can, like, sort of enjoy it. So, like, thanks for reviewing. Well, like, bye now. Like. ^_^

Teh_tarik: Fics with crazy people intrigue you? Why, ah? *peers suspiciously at tehtarik* You don't… happen to belong in that group, do you? Wahahahaha! Just joking. Don't worry, I'll continue. Don't wanna get more death threats. And I'll do my best to bring out Kara's illness. Feel free to correct me if I get it wrong.

Aeris: The fic's just started! So there's no telling if it's great or not. But thanks anyway! Ha ha! I'd LOVE to do a Hanagata fic, but it sort of has to come to me. But I promise you, if the story does come knocking on my skull, I'll write it out first thing. ^_^

Patty g: Updating! Thanks for the dictionary meaning! Wahahahaha! How did you know I never bother to check dictionaries??

Dysfunctional-sama: Thanks! You keep reading, okay?

Crazy4U: Me? Mereng? No-lah…You play Ragnarok Online? I got the free CD but didn't even bother to try it. Heh heh… 

            It was barely six in the morning when the doorbell rang loudly. Unsteadily, Kogure got up from the surrogate bed he'd made for himself on the kitchen floor and made his way to the door and opened it. Blinking in disbelief, he stared at the two figures filling his doorway. "Akagi?" he muttered. "Mitsui? What are you doing here??"

            The two of them shoved him aside and stepped in cautiously, eyes roving. "Your neighbour called us at about 4 a.m. this morning," Mitsui informed him as he and Akagi continued checking the house as if on a bomb patrol. "Said she heard some weird screaming coming from your apartment. So we came to rescue you. The police are on the way."

            Kogure would've laughed if he'd had some energy. "Everything's all right, guys," he assured them, rubbing his tired eyes. "It's just … well, you can say something weird and unexpected happened."

            "We knew it!" Akagi snarled. "Where's the crazy man who's disturbing you?"

            Kogure closed the door and gestured to the chairs around the coffee table. "It's a woman," he said dryly. "Have a seat."

            "A woman?" Mitsui's eyebrow perked up. "Ah, well, that's not so bad."

            "You can say that again," Kogure sighed, pouring the coffee he'd made the night before. "Her name is Kara Ubiki," he told them as he came back with three mugs. "She's the daughter of my mom's best friend. I don't remember her much, except that we used to play together when I was seven and she was three. I was her babysitter, actually. Anyway, my mom was fond of her and always said Kara was the daughter she always wanted to have."

            "And you're the son she wished she never had." Mitsui snorted.

            "Very funny," Kogure handed him his mug. "When she was eight, her family moved away, so that was that. But I suppose my mom kept in touch. I, on the other hand, had forgotten all about them until last night." 

            "What? She appeared out of nowhere?"

            "Sort of." Kogure stretched his neck, working out the kinks. "Apparently, she was admitted into the hospital when she was thirteen and has been there for ten years. Her parents have disappeared, and my parents are no longer here, so the hospital sent her to me."

            "Tsk tsk tsk," Akagi sighed. "Poor girl."

            "Yeah, to be stuck with you." Mitsui added.

            Kogure ignored that.

            "What's her disease? She okay now?"

            Kogure looked around anxiously and then dropped his voice into a whisper. "Schizophrenia."

            "SCHIZOPHRENIA!" Mitsui exclaimed, loud as trumpets. "SERIOUSLY?? You mean, that crazy paranoia where the person thinks he's hearing voices in his head telling him to do mad stuff like bungee jumping over the Tokyo Tower _without_ harnesses?"

            "Yeah, that."

            Akagi was staring at Kogure. "That's heavy stuff, Kogure." He said gravely and worriedly. "Schizophrenics are no joke. You can never tell the things they're capable of doing. And taking care of one is mentally exhausting. Are you sure you want to take her in? Aren't you busy with your work and everything?"

            Kogure nodded. "But what else can I do?"

            "Send her back to the hospital!" Mitsui muttered. 

            "I can't. They won't take her back. She's supposed to have been cured of it, sort of."

            "Sort of?" Mitsui scoffed. "Well, I _sort of_ want to tell you that I _sort of_ don't trust these hospital people who _sort of_ take their responsibilities lightly."

            "Can you _sort of_ shut up, Mitsui?" Akagi asked.

            They glared at each other.

            "Oh."

            At Kogure's quiet exclamation, both hotheads looked up. At the foot of the hallway leading to the bedrooms stood a girl, eyeing them cautiously and clutching at her clothes. Her lips trembled slightly and they were open.

            Kogure immediately stood up. "Kara," he said, struggling to be light hearted. "Good morning. Come and join us." He waited for her to respond, but when she didn't, he carefully made his way to her and touched her hand. 

            She looked up to him for a full thirty seconds and then relented, following him as he led her to the last empty chair.

            "This is Hisashi Mitsui," Kogure introduced, hoping his friends had suitably friendly expressions on their faces. "And this is Takenori Akagi."

            Mitsui was gaping with his mouth wide open and Akagi looked as if he was struggling not to scream out loud. 

            Kara studied them, and then lowered her head. "Hello."

            Kogure looked around nervously. "I'll get you your coffee," he said finally, and escaped to the kitchen. 

            He was stretching to reach for another mug when Mitsui walked in, looking for all the world as if he was just strolling in for an apple. Then, when he was out of sight from the living room, he dashed to Kogure's side. "You didn't say she was gorgeous, you nitwit!"

            "She is," Kogure agreed, "but I've seen her in one of her fits."

            "Oh," Mitsui's mouth formed a huge 'O'. "When?"

            "Last night." Kogure answered, remembering. "I don't know what happened. I think she thought I was trying to spurn her away, and she got scared or something."

            "Did she harm you?"

            "No, but I was more worried about her harming herself."

            Mitsui studied Kogure's haggard face. "Didn't sleep much either, did you?"

            Kogure shook his head silently.

            "Poor Akagi," Mitsui said unconvincingly. "I shouldn't have left him out there alone with her. Who knows what I'd find when we go back there. Probably a leftover of Akagi's arm." He stifled the gleeful smile.

            "You're a sick man, Mitsui."

            "Just joking."

            When they came back to the living room, Akagi was desperately trying to find something to talk about while Kara sat still, her eyes steadily looking at the table. Akagi looked very relieved as they settled again and Kogure had handed Kara her mug of coffee.

            "So," Mitsui said, clearing his throat. "What are you going to do today? It's a Sunday, after all."

            Kogure glanced briefly at Kara. "I think I'll bring Kara out to buy some clothes. She hasn't got that many with her."

            Akagi raised an eyebrow. "I have a better idea," he said. "Why don't we all drop over at Ayako's? She might have some clothes to spare."

            Mitsui nodded. "Yeah. How's Ayako by the way?"

            "I don't know. Why don't we find out?"

            "And Miyagi?"

            Akagi and Kogure snorted at the same time. "Still pining." 

            "Ayako is a friend of ours," Kogure told Kara, who remained disturbingly quiet. "Miyagi's this guy who's crazy about her. It's been years now. Anyway, you don't mind if we go visit Ayako, do you?"

            Kara shook her head.

            "It'll be good," Akagi said. "Girls should have girls for company, not guys like us."

            "Guys like _you_, you mean," Mitsui corrected. "Girls love guys like me."

            "Are you sure they're girls and not transvestites?"


	3. visiting Ayako

Hora! A longer chapter for all of you! Thanks for bothering to read!

Xabie: Me? Groan about hearing from you? Come on… I'm practically bouncing in my already tattered seat. It was SHORT? Painfully short?? Really? Well, this chappie is hopefully long enough for you!

Teh tarik: Sorry if it was too short. ^_^ I'm making up to it now! Ah, I always suspected you were not right in the head… he he he… I don't have a CLEAR idea what mereng means, but it's sort of like lunatic or crazy or mad labels. Then again, my BM is nothing to boast about. 

Crazy4U: Don't worry, more Mitsui coming your way. ^_^ Erm, I've lost my RO cd. No, actually, I gave it to my younger brother for this brother. I'd forgotten to get him something so I told him that the RO cd was a RARE one and that it cost me a bomb (but it was actually free) Of course, he believed me. E-mail me and tell me what you want me to do for your Baka Studios, kay?

Mitsui_jir: Er, actually, it was the end END. As in, "that's all, folks!" if Bugs Bunny doesn't mind me stealing his famous line. Gomen ne… 

Patty g: Oh, those three are coming. Don't worry. ^_^

gianhui: He he he… Thanks a lot! 

Mitchy: Thanks! I'm glad I can give you a Kogure story!

Mistress of darkness: I remember you!!! Welcome back!! *hugs* He he … sorry for the uncontrollable show of girly affection. You spelled schizophrenic right, don't worry! I read about it in an article once (which actually spurned this whole fic into being), but I've forgotten most of the contents. Haih~ Nevertheless, enjoy!

Ayako opened her door and took a step back in surprise. "Whoa! There're THREE of you." Then she noticed the silent fourth party. "Oh, hello there!"

            Kara looked up briefly. 

            Ayako shot Akagi a confused glance. "Kogure's, uh, friend," Akagi explained as accurately as he could. "Tell you more later."

            "Yeah, sure," Ayako shrugged, though Akagi's tone disturbed her. "Why don't you all come in? I was just doing some furniture rearranging, and you can help me."

            Mitsui groaned. "Wrong day," he muttered. "Wrong day to come visiting."

            "Don't be a wimp." Ayako told him. "What's wrong with helping me every now and then?"

            They trudged in, and leaving the rest, Kogure followed Ayako as she went into her kitchen for some drinks. "What's going on?" Ayako asked quietly, looking quizzically at her senior. "Who's she?"

            After a brief explanation, Ayako rubbed her chin. "It's a good thing you came to me," she conceded approvingly. "And as it is, I've been cleaning out my closet and I have clothes that I was just about to give away. They're still good as new, but they don't fit me anymore. They should fit Kara just fine."

            "Thank you," Kogure said earnestly.

            "Sure, sure," Ayako waved it away. "There's no way you can afford to buy clothes for her anyway. You have no idea how expensive women's clothes are these days." Ayako narrowed her eyes. "Speaking of this, are you sure you can finance the two of you?"

            Kogure shrugged. "I earn enough for myself, but with two, it's going to be a bit tough. I'll just stretch the budget a little bit. Once I get my apartment debts done with, I'll be able to put aside more for spending."

            Ayako nodded, and smiled softly. "You're a kind man," she said affectionately. "Others would just send her off to a shelter or somewhere worse."

            "She's not a stray dog or cat," Kogure reasoned, embarrassed. "And the truth is, whenever I look at her, I keep seeing her three-year-old self whom I used to bring to the playground for a bit of fun."

            "Well," Ayako lifted a tray filled with cups and cakes, "she's not three years old anymore. You watch yourself."

            "Eh?" 

            But Ayako was already heading for the living room. "All right, drinks and cakes for everyone. Now, Mitsui, you can help me lift that stereo to that corner, and Akagi, please move those couches to that end. Kogure, you can lift the TV and put it in near the window there."

            She ignored the loud groans. "Kara, come on," she beckoned, "you and me, we'll have fun playing dress-up while these guys flex some muscles." Casually, she took hold of Kara's slim hand and pulled her firmly to the bedroom.

            Kogure watched them go and smiled reassuringly when Kara's terrified eyes searched for his. Then when the two girls had disappeared beyond view, he turned to the other two. "Well, it's time to get to work."

            "She's using us," Mitsui muttered darkly. "That's a crime."

            Just then, the doorbell rang, and Akagi went to answer it. "SAKURAGI!!" he roared, "what are you doing here??"

            Sakuragi blinked. "Ape-man! What are you doing here???"

            "I asked you first," Akagi said darkly, "and how many times have I told you NOT TO CALL ME APE-MAN????" He was about to deliver a massive punch when another person appeared.

            "Chill, Akagi. Hello, everybody."

            "Miyagi!" Kogure exclaimed. "You're here too!"

            "Duh," Miyagi shrugged. "I live on the upper floor, and this red-headed monkey here is – believe it or not – my roommate."

            "He's here just because Ayako's here too," Sakuragi whispered.

            "Sakuragi! Miyagi!" Mitsui said loudly with a broad grin. "How wonderful to see you here! You're just in time!"

            "In time for what?"

            "Come on in, and I'll tell you," Mitsui invited sweetly.

            They had forced Sakuragi and Miyagi to do all the work, having the authority of seniors, though Kogure felt guilty halfway and helped out. When Ayako came back, Mitsui put up a convincing act of panting and wiping imaginary sweat.

            "Phew!' Mitsui sighed. "That was hard work, wasn't it, Miyagi?"

            Miyagi glared at him.

            "Oh, Sakuragi, Miyagi, you came by too." Ayako realised. "Now the only one we're missing is Rukawa."

            "Who would miss that ignorant fox jerk?" Sakuragi muttered under his breath.

            "Still in the National Team, is he?" Akagi smiled wistfully. "I bet he's doing well."

            All of them shrugged, except Sakuragi who continued whispering profanities to the empty air. Ayako looked around and nodded in satisfaction. "Not bad. Thank you. You must be hungry. Let me make some lunch." 

            "Yay! Free lunch!" Sakuragi cheered, settling himself and switching the TV on shamelessly. "And just in time for the afternoon news too!"

            Akagi stared suspiciously at him. "News? You watch the news?"

            "It's a stupid cartoon called 'Afternoon News'," Miyagi explained, "so don't get all impressed."

            Akagi looked up to the ceiling in helplessness. 

            Smiling at how each and every one of them were no different from before, Kogure turned to Ayako who was already busy in the kitchen looking for instant noodles. "Where's Kara?"

            "Oh, she's upstairs," Ayako assured him. "She's trying on the last batch of clothes." Ayako turned to him and her eyes twinkled. "She's delightful company."

            Kogure looked surprised. "Really? She didn't talk much when she was with me."

            "She's just shy, and lonely," Ayako shrugged. "She spent ten years of her life in a tiny room with only beeping machines for company, so what did you expect? She doesn't talk much unless she's talked to. You just need to do it the right way."

            "That's a subtle way of saying I'm doing it all wrong." Kogure smiled.

            Ayako smiled back. "No, you're just inept. She's a bit too thin," she added, "you should stuff her with anything edible the very first chance you get. And one question, what are you going to do with her when you go off to work?"

            Kogure stared at her. "Oh. I haven't thought of that." He brooded on it. "Oh dear."

            Ayako looked at him. "Well, as it is, I'm able to help you with that too. I won't be getting any more research assignments till next month, so I can drop by your house every other day and keep her company."

            "Really? Ayako, you're a treasure."

            "Sure I am, and you don't realise that often enough." She grinned at him. "I'm thinking I'll teach her how to cook, seeing she'll be spending most of her time in your apartment anyway, so she might want to do be occupied with something. Can she read?"

            "I don't know," Kogure confessed. "I only met her yesterday."

            "She hasn't gone to school ever since she got into the hospital, has she?"

            "I … I don't know."

            "Well," Ayako shrugged as she boiled noodles, "we'll find out soon enough."

            Kogure lingered a little longer by the kitchen. "I really appreciate this, Ayako," he told her, "but do be careful. She's not 100% recovered yet, and I've seen her in one of her fits, and it's not something you can laugh about."

            Ayako dropped in bits of vegetables and nodded. "I'll be careful," she promised, "but we should all be aware that it's not her fault. She can't control herself."

            Kogure smiled briefly. "Doesn't make her any safer."

            "It doesn't mean she should be treated like a criminal either."

            Kogure halted in his steps and turned back. "Point taken."

            "Did you, er, enjoy yourself with Ayako?" Kogure asked Kara as they made their way back to his apartment and parted from the others. Mitsui, Sakuragi and Miyagi, he learned, were heading for the nearest basketball court for a little game. Akagi had gone off to do some grocery shopping.

            Kara nodded. Kogure looked at the big paper bag brimming with clothes she was carrying. "Here," he held out his hands, "let me carry that for you."

            She hesitated, looking at him. 

            Kogure waited. "I don't mind," he said quietly and carefully, "It looks pretty heavy and we still have a long way to walk." He wondered if Kara was going into another frenzy and sighed in relief when she handed him the paper bag. 

            "Thank you."

            There was something about her voice that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. It wasn't really a bad feeling, but it was strange. Maybe it was because she rarely ever spoke, and that when she did, and with such a deep yet soft voice, it came as a surprise. "No problem."

            They walked further and passed the row of shops along the road. Kogure decided to give another attempt at starting a conversation. "Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

            Kara shook her head, her eyes looking around curiously.

            "Do you know where your parents are?"

            She looked briefly at him. "No."

            "When was the last time you saw them?" He watched as Kara lifted her face to the sky, trying to recall. "That long, huh?" _Was it possible that the Ubikis left her in the hospital on purpose? Their very own daughter?_ He shook his head. _Of course not. There must've been a mistake._

            Then he noticed that Kara's eyes had widened again, and he braced himself. _No, no, not another fit here, of all places. _She was trembling now, a sure sign of an upcoming explosion. "Don't –" Kogure tried. _Keep asking, just keep asking questions._ "Do you like the clothes that Ayako gave you?"

            Kara's shoulders relaxed fractionally. "Yes," she said, thinking about the clothes. "They're very nice."

            "Do you like to cook?"

            She looked confused. "I – I don't know how to cook."

            "Well, that's okay, because Ayako will be coming tomorrow to teach you."

            She blinked, but didn't reply. 

            "I'll have to go to work tomorrow," Kogure went on, seeing she was okay and that all traces of unstableness had disappeared. "I'm an accountant, and I work for the Gogokuwa Trading. It's quite far from here, actually, so I go by train. Maybe someday I'll show you where I work?"

            She nodded. 

            "Anyway, I won't be home until after dusk, so Ayako will keep you company. She's excited to spend some time with you."

            Kara looked at him sharply, eyes wide in surprise and astonishment. "R-really?"

            Kogure nodded. "Yeah, really. She really likes you. Why do you look so surprised?"

            She shook her head quickly and looked away. "I – I never –"

            Kogure looked understandingly at her. "It must've been very lonely in the hospital," he murmured, "but don't worry. You're got friends now. Ayako, Akagi, Mitsui, Miyagi and Sakuragi – they're all your friends. Did you see Sakuragi's mouth drop open when you came back to the living room? I think his jaw reached the floor. He thinks you're very pretty, and that's saying something because Sakuragi has eyes only for Haruko, Akagi's sister," he smiled down at her. "And of course, I'm already your friend. Do you remember that we used to build castles in the sandbox?"

            Kara lowered her head and shook it.

            "That's okay. To be truthful, that's the only thing I remember. We haven't seen each other for a long time – Kara?? Why are you crying?"

            Tears were dropping from her eyes straight down to the ground. "I – I don't know," she stammered. "I can't – I can't control them – I –I'm sorry…" She lowered her head even further.

            Kogure froze at the sight of a woman's tears. He had no idea what to do when they poured out. "Er… look, do you know how to read?"

            Kara nodded, desperately trying to quench the tears away. "Yes. I read sometimes. They have books at the hospital…"

            "That's good, because just right around that corner," Kogure pointed, talking fast now, "there's a bookstore. Would you like me to buy you a book to read at home?"

            It seemed he'd said something wrong again because the tears came even harder.

            "Home," Kara murmured, fighting against tears she couldn't stop. "My home?"

            Kogure stared at her. "Well, home would be my apartment. I… I don't know where your home is."

            "I don't think … I don't think I've ever had one." Her breath caught, and her shoulders shook hard. Hysteria bubbled up her throat.

            Kogure took hold of her shoulders and steadied it. "Come on, let's go buy a book," he said pleadingly, "any story you like, okay? Then I can make some chocolate drink and you can read by the window."

            He watched her struggle to control herself. Gradually, her sobs softened and she wiped the last of the watery droplets on her face away. "Okay," he murmured, glad. He lifted her chin up and impulsively helped her clean her drenched face. "Let's go buy a book now, all right?"

            She watched his face as he clumsily dabbed at her face with his handkerchief, and for a moment felt something stir in her memory. In a flash, she saw the face of Kogure's seven-year-old-self bending over her. And then it was gone, and it never came again.


	4. attacked

Next instalment! Do me a favour and enjoy yourself. ^_^

December Owl Morning: Yeah, I used to like Kogure before I realised he is pretty much a wuss. So I turned my attention to Rukawa, he he he. Sakuragi fic? I can't say. We'll see. ^_^

Gianhui: Thank you!

Akane1: I haven't had any experience with a schizophrenic so I wouldn't know how hard it is, but it does seem to be tough, ne? Am updating! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Teh tarik: Thanks! Am updating (quicker than before, if anyone hasn't noticed) ^_-

Mak: We'll see about RyoAya! Read on, Mak! (if you're Malaysian, you'd know Mak is a nickname for Mother. Who's mother are you? :P)

Libra_gal: Thanks, libra-san! I appreciate you reading this!

Patty g: Rukawa-kun is away with the National Basketball Team. Come on… does he seem to be the type who visits people? *nothingtodo shakes head vigorously* Hope you like this chappie!

Crazy4u: Thank you. ^_^ I haven't given a thought to Kara's past, to tell you the truth. '-_- Hopefully it'll come to me!

Li Kasumi: Your new nickname's nice! I know what you mean about inspiration. J Nah, I can't be any better than you are. Us writers are equally talented in different ways, no? *nothingtodo imagines herself as 'talented'* *everybody else starts choking on vegetables*

Maemi: Hey! Long time no hear from you too! I'm surprised at the serious-ness of this story too. But you just gotta go with the flow of your brain, right? You had an entire class on schizophrenia? Good, that means I can refer to you if I ever get stuck on the disease! He he he… Thanks for reading!

            "How is it going?" Kogure asked a week later as he took off his shoes and stepped into his apartment. 

            Ayako, wrapped in an apron, lifted a ladle at him. "You, kind sir, are going to get the best meal you'll ever taste in your short life."

            "Twenty-eight years aren't very short."

            "Compared to my grandmother who is 94, it is." Ayako winked. "Go ahead and say hello to Kara. She's in the kitchen, watching the cake we're baking expand in the oven." Then her eyes sobered. "By the way, it happened again this afternoon."

            Kogure pursed his lips. "I see. Did you give her some tranquilizers?"

            "I did."

            "Okay."

            "It's horrible to watch," Ayako sighed, "I don't know what it is that she hears in her head, but to see her squirming on the floor, clutching her head and screaming is pure torture. I can see her trying to gain control, to stop herself from going berserk. She's fighting against the sickness, but she's not doing very well." A surprising tear rolled down Ayako's cheek, and she hastily wiped it away. "Sorry. Well, go ahead now. Say hello to her. She's probably missing you."

            Kogure turned slightly red.

            Ayako grinned. "I can see a love affair starting between the two of you."

            "Maybe you need to get spectacles."

            Ayako laughed. 

            Kogure stepped into his kitchen to find all sorts of smell wafting in the air. Kara was perched on a wooden stool, studiously reading the recipe and monitoring the cake's progress. "Smells good," he told her.

            She swivelled around in surprise and then smiled at him. "It'll taste even better."

            Kogure peered into the oven. "I bet." Then he turned to look at her. "You okay?"

            She looked back uncomfortably at the recipe book. "Yes."

            Kogure didn't say anything, and they watched the cake together for quite some time until Ayako came back, announcing she'd just called the other guys to come for dinner.

            Kara stared at herself in the mirror as she changed. Kogure's friends would be arriving in a few minutes for the free food. _No,_ she corrected herself, _my friends. They're my friends now._

            _Are they?_

            Kara saw her eyes widen. It was happening again. The same voice that had haunted her since her teens. _Go away._

            _You really think they like you? You think they don't know what's wrong with you?_

_            Go away._

_            They're scared of you, and you know it. They're only acting friendly for Kogure's sake._

Kara shook her head, saw her face frown in the mirror. _No, that's not true. Stop it._

_            What do you know? You know nothing. You're not normal. _

Kara pressed her hands on either side of the head. She knew if she could, she would've kept on pressing till her head was crushed and the voice was gone. _No! No! Stop it!_

And then it was gone. 

            And Kara saw in her mirror that Kogure was standing there in her doorframe looking at her. She whirled around, quickly dropping her hands to her side. "Kogure!"

            It was obvious he'd figured out what had happened, but he smiled at her. "Everybody's here. Come on out. Haruko's here too, and she wants to meet you."

            Her breathing was slightly unsteady and she noticed the concerned look on Kogure's face and felt guilty for it. "I'll be there," she said quickly. "Just give me a few minutes."

            He lingered there, and with a reluctant look, closed the door again. Kara listened as his footsteps faded and she took a deep breath. Then she steeled herself and went out.

            "Hey there, Kara!" Miyagi called out loudly over his half-eaten piece of cake. "It's very delicious! But of course, with Ayako as a teacher, it's no surprise, is it?"

            She smiled at him, understanding now his ages long affection for Ayako. "You can ask her to teach you if you want," she suggested.

            Mitsui laughed out loud. "More likely he'll spend most of his time looking at Ayako and burning his fingers and receiving those endless paper fan whacks!"

            "I can cook!" Miyagi said with dignity.

            Sakuragi snorted as he took a third helping. "Tell that to the chicken you burned just last night."

            "It wasn't a chicken, you baboon. It was a duck!"

            "Duck or chicken, it was still soot black, wasn't it? Now if _I_ had cooked it, it would've turned a golden brown."

            "You??" Miyagi said incredulously. "You don't even know how to flip a pancake!"

            "Haruko, would you cook for me one day?"

            "Sakuragi! I'm talking to you!"

            Kara watched in amusement, laughing with the rest over the usual bickering. She settled herself beside Kogure, and as she added more rice to his bowl without being asked, she caught him studying her thoughtfully. She didn't have to look to know that Ayako was doing the same.

            She put more rice in her own bowl and suppressed a sigh. She was a constant worry to Kogure, that she knew. She'd come to him uninvited, unexpected, and had intruded his life so abruptly and so rudely, and yet he'd taken it, though with some surprise at first, in his stride. He wordlessly gave his bedroom to her, made no mention to the fact that he'd stretched his money to accommodate her needs, often neglecting his own, and never complained when she'd thrown things and broke them during one of her many fits and outbreaks. 

            She'd already broken three plates and thrashed a cupboard, and all he did was clean the mess up and tend to her bruises. 

            He didn't deserve any of those, Kara thought quietly. She was nothing but trouble.

            _Nothing but trouble._

            Kara's hand started to tremble. _Oh God, no, no, please, not now._

            _Some people would have thrown you out of their houses. You're scary and you're dangerous._

Kara bit her lip. _I can't help it. It's not my fault._

_            Tell that to Kogure. You see the fresh scar on his neck? You did that, remember? You broke one of his plates and tried to slash him, remember?_

_            I didn't mean to. I never wanted to._

_            But you did it._

            Her chopsticks dropped to her lap. _Stop it! Go away! I hate you!_

            _You did it. _

            "Kara? Kara??" Kogure's voice sounded far away, but Kara could see through her hazy vision that he was leaning in her direction. Behind him, Mitsui and Miyagi were pale. 

            "What's the matter with her? What's happening?"

            The voices sounded so far away. Only the voice in her head was clear.

            _You're scary. You're dangerous. You harm people._

_            I don't! I don't do that! Leave me alone! _

_            Look at the glass there, Kara. Look at it. It looks like those disgusting glasses in the hospital, doesn't it? Look at the glass._

            Kara's hand reached out and grabbed the glass. Next thing she knew, she was hurling it towards the wall. "STOP IT! STOP IT!" she screamed to herself.

            _Look at the curtains, Kara. Didn't your mother love curtains? She loved curtains, didn't she? More than she loved you._

"NO! STOP IT! I HATE YOU!!" Kara felt herself reaching now for the curtains, but someone was holding her back. "GO AWAY!"

            _Where's your mother, Kara? Where's your mother?_

            "Get some tranquilizer!"

            "Hold her steady!"

            "Kara? Kara? Look at me! Look at me!"

            _Where's your father, Kara? Where's your father?_

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!"

            _Where are you, Kara? Who are you?_

Kara felt something sharp prick her arm. Her body grew stiff, her vision dimmed. _Stop it, please, stop it._

            Everything was turning black. Kara no longer heard anything, except one -

_            Why are you alive, Kara?_

            And then she passed out.

            When she woke up, she found herself in her bed. It was 3 a.m. in the morning. Her head throbbed and she dimly recalled what she'd done. Pushing herself up, she went out of the bedroom and into the living room. 

            Everything was quiet now. Everybody had gone home. 

            The room had been cleaned up too. Not a single piece of broken glass remained, and near the television, Kogure's blankets were laid out but empty. She silently tiptoed to the kitchen and saw him sitting near the counter, his hands holding his head with a bottle of aspirin next to him.

            Fatigue was written all over him, and he seemed frail and thin somehow. His briefcase was open, and some papers were peeking out. Then, eventually, Kogure let out a soft moan and lifted his head up. He drained a whole cup of coffee, rubbed his eyes and reached for a pen and a calculator to get to work on his accounts, but then he saw Kara and turned to her with a smile. "Trouble sleeping?"

            Kara remained half-hidden by the wall, but she looked at him. "I didn't mean to."

            He didn't pretend not to know what she was talking about. "It was no big deal," he shrugged. "It was a gift from Sakuragi and horribly ugly even for a simple glass anyway. I've been looking for ways to get rid of it without insulting him. Why don't you sit down and I'll make you some tea?"

            Kara stayed where she was, feeling horribly undeserving and worthless. Why was he being so gentle? Why was he trying so hard to make things look normal when they clearly weren't? And why was he putting up with her?

            Why couldn't she control herself? Why did she always listen to the voice in her head? Why was she so weak? How long will it go on? What other harm will she continue to inflict on others?

            "Kara." Kogure had left the counter and now stood in front of her. "Go get some sleep. Things will be all right in the morning."

            Kara looked up at him. "I'm … I'm sorry."

            He smiled weakly and reached out to massage her shoulders. "Forget about it," he advised, "It wasn't your fault. No one's blaming you." He smoothed her hair that fell over her forehead away and leaned down to kiss it. 

            Kara felt his lips brush her brow, and wondered, as her heart sank, if it was selfish of her to fall in love with him and expect it to be returned. After all she'd cost him; did she even deserve it? 

            What did crazy people know about love, anyway?

            "Now go back to bed and sleep." He was already nudging her away. "I'll wake you up tomorrow."

            Kara nodded and turned to leave. She'd taken a few steps forward, but then she stopped and walked back to the kitchen. 

            Kogure was back at the counter, already immersed in his work and calculations. His fingers punched the buttons on the calculator speedily and his pen dragged over the paper. 

            Kara watched him silently. Now that she was out of sight, Kogure had dropped his smile, and his face was pale with exhaustion, the bags under his eyes evident in the harsh kitchen light. 

            She wouldn't make him worry anymore, Kara promised herself desperately. She wouldn't cause him any more misery and unhappiness. She'd try her best to recover, to be normal again.

            _Can you? Can you really?_


End file.
